Posts by Gulf Coaster

4

Happiness is....

by FreeGirl2006 in

having brunch and then getting a massage instead of sitting at the grand poobah session several blocks from my house.

it always irritated me how the convention was always scheduled for july 4th weekend and now it doesn't matter.

not trying to rub salt in the wounds of you poor ones who have to be bored or angry by turns at the rc this weekend, as i did decades of drone seat warming.

Best. Convention. Ever. lol! Yep, sure remember mindlessly parroting that myself. Everybody did. Because you had to. Imagine saying how you truly felt, that you'd been bored silly again, finding it absolutely excruciating and another waste of a perfectly good weekend

I remember the excitement in the KH at the upcoming conventions. But really, they mainly were just the same old crap regurgitated in a bigger venue over a longer time period.

And yeah, we'd all dress in our best, even buying new outfits, to hopefully impress someone at the Meet Market. Lots of young brothers and sisters ended up getting married to someone they met at a convention. So glad I escaped before that happened to me.

43

Advice Needed - JW Grandparents

by What Now? in

my family has been out (inactive no meeting attendance or field service) for just over two years..

weve made many changes in our lives, including with our personal appearances (tattoos, piercings etc) that are a pretty obvious sign that we arent going back any time soon.

our families went through a period of time about a year ago when they made a lot of threats that if we left the truth, they wouldnt even be able to share a meal with us, they would stay loyal to jehovah etc.

Gulf Coaster

Sail Away, you have excellent justification for "shunning" your parents for their ugly and hateful attitude towards your husband. You should be proud of loving your husband so much and putting him first. That's the way it should be.

I agree that in the end, there will most likely be hurt from trying to develop a relationship with JW parents/grandparents when you're not in that cult with them. It seems they'll be all nice and helpful when the children are young, but once that child gets to the age when they can choose to say no thank you to the cult, the "love" is turned off. That would hurt.

67

How do you feel about exJW's who resist our efforts to effect change?

by nicolaou in

i've met a few.

i'm not talking about the jw who, whether df'd or not, falls off the radar and just gets on with living a normal life - good luck to them and may there be many more!.

i mean the former jehovah's witness who is now enjoying all the benefits of a cult free life thanks to the efforts of many bloggers, posters and activists, but is critical of the efforts of someone close them to free more jws.

Gulf Coaster

I also can't respect, or understand, the position of people telling you not to make JWs feel awkward by exposing the BS of their cult, as long as you're mature about it and don't attack people personally. I don't know why they would think that. I certainly don't. Maybe they're of the mindset that hurting people's feelings is something to be avoided at all costs. Kind of like a form of political correctness. But the damage done to families by the cult is so evident, and should be a more important concern than worrying about making some people feel awkward or hurt. By insisting you leave them alone, they're supporting more families getting ruined and more lives wasted.

Hopefully that group of non-supporters is a very small one.

52

Try Other Religions

by Sofia Lose in

sometimes i get a strong curiosity to start dabbling into other religions, other faiths, you know?

really different ones such as islam, judaism, hinduism, etc.. has anyone here looked into something else?

has your spirituality been satisfied by any other than christianity?.

Gulf Coaster

100% Secular Humanism.

0% JW ... lol! The only one I scored 0% on. No wonder I was so miserable in that cult. It just did not fit.

11

Could this happen to you?

by adjusted knowledge in

jw
friends

there was a jw who was a born in and faded about 10 years ago near a congregation i attended.

he never married or had children and was in his late 30's.

his parents shun him for the most part but then he had a major stroke.

Gulf Coaster

Sounds like a living hell. Trapped inside malfunctioning bodies & minds and being dragged back to the KH! Torture. They don't have much choice. Their parents are their caregivers and they are JWs. I'd probably want to find a way to top myself if that were me.

52

Try Other Religions

by Sofia Lose in

sometimes i get a strong curiosity to start dabbling into other religions, other faiths, you know?

really different ones such as islam, judaism, hinduism, etc.. has anyone here looked into something else?

has your spirituality been satisfied by any other than christianity?.

Gulf Coaster

Briefly went back to the Catholic Church. Enjoyed the rituals more than anything. Communion, hymns, nice acoustics and atmosphere in the church, Pancake breakfasts, churchgoers who were more relaxed and easygoing than JW bots, etc. But soon wondered why I was there because I don't believe in any god. It's a man-made construct from eons ago when there was no science or knowledge to explain all the bizarre and scary things in the world.

And when the church expected everyone to go out and join an anti-abortion protest, that's when I decided I was not in the right place. My doctor's office in Vancouver was in a building that often had anti-abortion protestors outside. I found them disturbing and creepy and I didn't want to have anything to do with that. Who am I, who are they, to dictate control over women's bodies and lives? Nah, couldn't justify that.

Happily a Heathen now. I'd rather treat others well, volunteer, help out those who need help regardless of their faith or lack of.

I get "spiritual experiences" gazing out over miles of undeveloped, pristine wilderness (Canyonlands, Grand Canyon, Yosemite, etc.), hiking through forests, floating effortlessly in the warm ocean, enjoying a lovely meal and great wine with good friends, admiring great art, listening to my favorite music, etc.

43

Advice Needed - JW Grandparents

by What Now? in

my family has been out (inactive no meeting attendance or field service) for just over two years..

weve made many changes in our lives, including with our personal appearances (tattoos, piercings etc) that are a pretty obvious sign that we arent going back any time soon.

our families went through a period of time about a year ago when they made a lot of threats that if we left the truth, they wouldnt even be able to share a meal with us, they would stay loyal to jehovah etc.

Gulf Coaster

I would find it aggravating to have to regularly counter any indoctrination BS my kids were exposed to, or to have to constantly assure them that the way we live is perfectly fine despite the critical, fear mongering crap from granny and grandpa. Raising kids is hard enough, why should I have to do that? Because grandparents. Wow, I didn't know I was some sort of 2nd class nobody that, as an adult, I still had to kowtow to my parents and allow them to disrupt my life and f*** up my kids. Sorry, I didn't get that memo.

Young kids can get confused easily which can be upsetting to them. And sometimes it won't be evident that they're upset or confused. It'll show up as some health or behavioral issue later and you'll be left wondering what's going on, having to pick up the pieces. They need structure and an even keel in life.

My daughter started wetting her bed when she was about 5. We found out soon after that it was because my mother, despite being told to bugger off with the JW propaganda, had told my daughter some typical JW doom and gloom story about everyone being destroyed by god because of whatever. It freaked my little baby girl out. I literally could have punched my mother out for that. I was so mad that my husband had to give my mother the talking-to because I could not trust myself. My husband said he could barely contain himself either. We banned her for 6 months for that. She didn't pull that again.

That is why I'm not at all sympathetic to rolling over for JW rellies. It's not like most other religions. It's far more severe and harsh, which can be frightening to some kids as they're either too young to process that crazy information or just don't have that capability like others might. And the JWs will be sneaky about it too, undermining your trust and your authority because they do not respect you, smugly believing they're right and superior to you. Why should you respect that?

I wish you luck and I hope the relationships with your relatives is worth it and ends up being fine. But just keep a real good eye and ear out, trust no one but your instincts.

51

Getting it out of my system, a VERY long introduction/outpouring..

by adimmedlight in

warning, novel ahead:.

after a few months of lurking on this site, i've decided to take the plunge...i don't really care so much about introducing myself, but somehow there is some relief in the thought of getting my little story out there, just getting it out of my system.

i am the oldest of 5 kids.

Gulf Coaster

Hey adimmedlight, great read, thank you for sharing.

Yes, RELIEF! That's exactly how I felt when I escaped the chains of that cult. Whenever I think back to that life and see what I have now, I still experience that sense of relief.

When you said: "It's funny to hear everyone say I've got my whole life ahead of me when part me of me feels like I've already lived most of it." that really resonated with me. Life as a JW does make you older before your time. Instead of the lightness and freedom and joy of a typical childhood and youth, you're trudging along in drudgery and fear and guilt, worrying about your every move and thought and whether it's good enough. It's a miserable existence when you think about it. They rob you of the joy and innocence that others get to experience.

Whenever I listen to what my non-JW friends and relatives used to get up to as kids and teenagers (nothing bad or criminal, just fun), I experience a wistful sense of loss. I can't share in their stories. I just have to sit back and smile and laugh ... and wish I had the same. Damn the JWs for stealing that from me. goddamn them.

43

Advice Needed - JW Grandparents

by What Now? in

my family has been out (inactive no meeting attendance or field service) for just over two years..

weve made many changes in our lives, including with our personal appearances (tattoos, piercings etc) that are a pretty obvious sign that we arent going back any time soon.

our families went through a period of time about a year ago when they made a lot of threats that if we left the truth, they wouldnt even be able to share a meal with us, they would stay loyal to jehovah etc.

Gulf Coaster

Parents are the ultimate authority on how their children are raised, barring abuse or neglect. The OP doesn't like nor want all the proselytizing going on, and from the description, there's far too much of it. jeehova this, jeehova that, enough already! There's exposure and then there's saturation. Unfortunately with the JWs, it'll be full-on saturation because that's the way they roll. It's nice for kids to be exposed to different ideas and lifestyles in order to teach them tolerance and respect for others but the JWs don't do tolerance or respect for different ideas and lifestyles.

But take the religion aspect out of this for a moment and it boils down to disregard for the OPs parenting decisions. That is blatant and arrogant disrespect.

I don't believe in elevating grandparents to some mystical pedestal and having my authority & beliefs disrespected. Respect is a two-way street - you respect me, I'll respect you.

43

Advice Needed - JW Grandparents

by What Now? in

my family has been out (inactive no meeting attendance or field service) for just over two years..

weve made many changes in our lives, including with our personal appearances (tattoos, piercings etc) that are a pretty obvious sign that we arent going back any time soon.

our families went through a period of time about a year ago when they made a lot of threats that if we left the truth, they wouldnt even be able to share a meal with us, they would stay loyal to jehovah etc.

Gulf Coaster

Great advice, TheListener. It must be hard to be in your situation and I can understand your worry that your kids might turn into JW bots. That would definitely be a concern for me and I know I was lucky to have my husband firmly on my side (he never was a JW and has no time for them whatsoever).

It's good that you are telling your kids of the consequences and reality of being a JW, i.e., the normal fun things that were denied to you, and your regrets and sacrifices, rather than them getting only the glossy version of how "wonderful" JW life is supposed to be. They're luckier than kids with both JW parents in that they have a real life example of the non-JW world. How do they manage to put up with going to the DC and assemblies though? They must be bored out of their minds! Poor things.